Good morning! I just finished a read-through [of Angie's doctoral thesis] with my coffee, and I am happy it was my morning. I am reiterating what has been said to you many many times ; I love that you are doing this work. There are nearly verbatim quotes to what many of my friends and even family members have said to me over the years. I wish I could have given this to my sister-in-law before she married my brother. The mental work she had to do to "flip the switch". And my oldest friend who stayed married to an awful man for a decade because of purity culture. It's been such a tragedy to witness. So much unnecessary and debilitating shame to unravel.

 

I'm going to do the thing people do where they share the connections in their own life, unbidden. I started learning about female anatomy in earnest at 17. It might be undiagnosed neurodivergence that caused me to flat out refuse to be ashamed of my body or it's functions. I remember getting grief from my mother at an even younger age (11/12?) when I snuck a library checkout of a book on puberty. I know now, through many conversations I've cornered her into, that it stemmed from her own shame and discomfort being brought up southern Baptist. I wish someone had done this in time for her childhood.

 

I dodged the shame associated with my physical self, but my struggle was the mistrust of my sexuality. For 20 years the silent fear was, Am I really gay, or am I reactive towards the patriarchal repression of Christianity and western culture at large? (I didn't know the terminology in the beginning, but I was aware/felt the through line) If I ask a Christian, they might convince me it's a lie I believe that I can heal from, and I will believe them and live my life a lie. My second and equal fear was I would ask someone who would affirm my queerness - it's okay, you were born this way. But that it wouldn't be true, it would be something "unhealed" - I would then believe them and live my life a lie I'm not sure that is even a resolved issue in my mind, but I think holding duel thoughts and moving forward in faith is acceptable.

 

The scriptures and my parents' genuine desire to have personal relationship with God wasn't all damaging. Somehow, that is the piece that has allowed me peace. I have faith I will recognize "whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable.." excellent, and worthy of praise. It may be arrogance, but if I know what love is, "patient, kind, holds no grudge, etc" recalibration is possible if I wake up and realize I am far what is good.. it's nice to think parts of the church are moving towards a place where conversation is possible. I'll leave off with my unrequested response.

 

Thank you so much for sharing the document with me. I enjoyed reading it. And below are some of the quotes that stood out to me. They resonated with what I have believed for years. Have an excellent day! 

 

"When the church teaches anything that causes a woman to think rape is her fault, it has failed its people."

 

"Whatever was maybe good about female sexuality was never mentioned."

 

"God is uniquely known to us through human presence and human presence is always embodied presence."

 

"Adopting embodiment theology allows for an incarnational view of human sexuality that elevates the body to its rightful status as God’s very good creation."

 

"...Western dualism, which divided body and spirit, body and soul, and drew its spiritual capital from this division, has allowed no loving relationship with the body."

 

"To deny embodiment theology is to deny the central tenet of our faith: God took on flesh and became embodied to live among humanity."

 

"The linking of sexuality and shame is nothing short of sin and the denigration of the body which God has created."

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   --Rachel, age 39